Log in

poem 7


People fear what they can see:
the swollen figure-eight
spinning shimmering thread
with spiny legs;
the sly, slithering predator
whose fangs stop hearts;

And this relic, her teeth grinning,
busy basking on stubby legs,
her rugged skin camouflaged
atop a glistening log.

She hears the faint dip
of an oar in water and slides in
one great liquid movement
under the river, invisible.

The sun feels like love,
radiant on her bumpy back.
And when she's hungry
she’ll chomp fish, birds, turtles –
perhaps the occasional puppy -
but not humans. (Not usually.)

The real fears
(vanishing neurotransmitters, vagabond cells, viruses)
are hard to wrap our teeth around.
Their symbols lack a sinuous grip;
they’ll drag us under tightly
where we’d otherwise
never dare to go.

While the alligator
huddles atop her makeshift raft
measuring the tremors
of each tiny ripple:
each moment she floats,
she falls in love again
with an incandescent sky.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth, though it's fine to comment here too.
Today's card: Judgment

Initial thoughts: The idea of Judgment always strikes me as scary; I tend to think of the card more of an awakening. I love the blue of the butterflies in this picture, the flowers (poppies!) and I just now noticed that there are people-spirits in the folds of the angel's gown. They seem happy to feel the sun on their faces.

On a personal level, I got a message from Mia, my Japanese friend in Osaka. I'm really happy because it helps me to know more about how to be a good host for the people who are staying with us. I also want to awaken to the positives in the visit - which I am looking forward to in many ways - instead of just being stuck in overwhelmed mode.

Added thoughts from the companion book:

"Every action has its result, for good or for ill, to be rewarded or to bear the need for absolution and forgiveness, cleansing and atonement. And beyond that is the transition on to the next phase, a rebirth and a clean slate to begin again."

"Release and renewal, absolution, the freshness of a new dawn, a new start. Making a judgment, though it might be harsh and difficult to face; the necessity of hard choices. Face down those decisions, recognize the need, and forgive."

Reflections on the day:

Crossposting from Dreamwidth, though it's fine to comment here too.

tarot, general


"I think the Tarot is about more than predicting the future. I think it's also about finding out how you are doing now. If you let it, it will show you what sort of path you are on, and what shape that path is taking, as well as where it's leading you. That's part of the reason why so many of the cards in most spreads deal with the past and the present.

I think that what the Tarot does is shed a bit of light on the path, so the seeker can see where he's going, instead of wandering blind and simply hoping for the best."

from www.robinwood.com


I'm not really interested in predicting the future. And yet I'm still drawn to the cards. I think with time I'll figure out why and what sort of tool they will be for me.

I like the idea of figuring out where I am at this moment and where I'm generally headed. :-)

I don't like the idea of ominous warnings from the universe, but I do like the idea of helpful metaphors through which to view the world.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth, though it's fine to comment here too.

Today I felt cranky for much of the day, and it hasn't really abated. If I could just will myself into happiness, I would be so freaking happy. Instead I'm settling for being pleasant. Or at the very least quiet. Or at least, venting here or in IM instead of out loud to the people I'm actually annoyed with.


More information about the month o' letters:

  • The letters may be more like short notes, really, depending on how the day is going or how wordy I feel.

  • You are totally welcome to write back, and I will respond.

  • You are totally welcome not to write back; there is complete amnesty around it.

  • I might make a little card for you, use storebought notecards, or use notebook paper.

  • It's not too late to respond here if you would like mail.

  • If you already responded, thanks!
My word for 2013 is connection.

I'm thinking of connections with others (hi) as well as connections across spiritual paths and connections among my various selves.

More mundane resolutions are to take my vitamins, drink more water, and give my brain/imagination Interesting Stuff (to do or to consume).

Crossposting from Dreamwidth, though it's fine to comment here too.
I'm going out and doing things, not to fix the broken brain but in spite of it, or maybe to spite it. So today I met up with friends at the park. I brought my banjo for them to play with and crafting stuff to work on. Ellie brought her skates so she could skate with their daughter. I probably wasn't the best company, kind of frizzy and grumpy in turns, but it was good to be in a beautiful natural setting around people I feel comfortable with.

This is a park where people bring their dogs. I think the dogs are technically supposed to be leashed, and most are, but occasionally some aren't. The park is pretty big and never that crowded, though we were sitting fairly close to the entrance/parking area.

I was sitting there, sewing, when suddenly this big fluffy white dog - maybe a husky? - with intense blue eyes, just came immediately over to me as if I'd called it. It walked right up to me and licked me on the cheek, as if saying hello to an old friend. I petted it and called it a good puppy, like you do.

It went over to my friend immediately after, who was like, umm, nice to meet you, but I'm not a dog person. So the dog kinda moved on amiably and went back to its owners.

This in itself would be a little odd, but then quite a bit later the same thing happened, with a totally different group of humans and dog. I can't remember what sort of dog this was - it was just as big but less fluffy, and dark, I think. It was drooling. It walked away from its owners and came right over to me again, and drooled in my face, and I petted it and called it a good dog. It completely ignored my other friend, went over to the first friend (who again said some version of, umm, thanks but no thanks, buddy) and then trotted back over to its owners.

I'm probably reading way too much into it, but it felt like greeting, and grace. It felt like you are not alone.

And you know, if in the end I end up as a crazy lady who talks to dogs...

...I think I'm actually pretty okay with that.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth, though it's fine to comment here too.

okay, maybe a little weird

Daniel: Hey, if you were starving, and there was nothing else to eat, would you kill and eat a walrus?

Me: Well, yeah!

Daniel: Really? Because I was thinking that might be gross. They're kind of blubbery. I don't think there's a lot of meat on them.

Dave: I like fatty food. Plus, there's probably more meat on them than you think.

Me: Also, you're starving. Of course you would eat it. At that point you'd probably eat a person. I mean, it's not like you'd kill your friend and eat them, but if they died? Chow down.

Dave: Did I mention before that your mom is weird?
It's 4am and Daniel and I are both awake, talking about the universe, and stars, and the Higgs Boson.

And he's been doing research for it for his first science project (he has summer homework) and so he's explaining it to me in ways I can understand.

I don't know how to explain the awesome that is my 12yo explaining the Higgs and discussing the origins of the universe with him at 4am. :-)

I did share the rap with him, of course.